Friday, October 15, 2010

A Miniature Vampire-napping

So, I've been putting this off all week...just waiting for the right time to tell you guys.

It's still a little hard to put into words.  You may think totally different of me after this, but the time has come to confess...

Rewind to September 22, 3 weeks and 2 days ago, something horrible happened.  My darling husband, STOLE MY POCKET EDWARD!!!!  That's right.  He took it straight from my purse...Pocket Edward's safe place.  But that's not the horrible part.  The horrible part is that I didn't even know.  I can't believe I'm confessing to this.  I did not even realize it was missing...for 2 weeks!  Do you want to know when I realized it was missing?  When they, my darling husband and my cousin's darling husband, returned it to me.  It was not until I opened the Fed-Ex package that came to my door last Friday, opened the box, found the "ransom note", and unrolled A Pocket Edward from a roll of paper towels.  I really should show you the video...it's the only way to get the full effect, but it is the MOST embarrassing thing EVER...it could possibly scare small children, shows just how fat I am, and solidifies my spot as the most annoying person I know.  So, I'm not showing it.  Perhaps you've followed all of this on Facebook and you've already seen the video...my apologies.

Here is a little back story, so you'll understand how and why Edward was hijacked.

A month or so ago, my cousin's husband put out a message on Facebook that Master Chief (a character from the game Halo...that my husband and him play frequently...it's their Twilight) could and WAS going to take out Pocket Edward.  Well, you know that I immediately told my cousin that I needed her help and that she must protect Pocket Edward...no matter what.  She totally did and took care of Master Chief...er, I mean Pocket Edward totally took care of MC...he ripped him apart, limb from limb.  She posted a picture of the pieces of MC in front of Edward.  Her husband declared war.  A couple of days later, he had formulated this plan to hijack my Pocket Edward and asked my husband if he could get mine and send it to him...in Arizona...ARIfreakinZONA!  My husband said that he might need a few days, but he could do it.

This is where I feel horrible.

How did I not even know he was missing??!!  I'm the worst Pocket Edward owner EVER! EVER! EVER!


Pocket Edward was missing for TWO WEEKS!

When he finally sent Pocket Edward back to me, he sent the note and it said "Stay tuned to Facebook to see where I have been."  So, that's been my torture and punishment for the last week.  Although, I have my Pocket Edward back with me and he's safe and sound...I check on him frequently...now, I have to wait and see WHERE he's been.  NOT fun!

So far, MC has had his way with PE...take a look at some pics my cousin's husband has posted on Facebook so far...


(his caption: "Bow to Master Chief byatch")
(his caption: "Bad Pocket Edward")...I'm starting to sense that MC has a thing for PE.  He seems to be into spanking him and making him "bow".  Hmmm.


Good news is that PE has been well taken care of since he's been home...


he's had a nice bubble bath...
been wiped down with Purell...
and been through Pocket Therapy...
I am Edward Cullen...
I am a vampire.
He is back in his safe place


and I am plotting my revenge.

Master Chief has it coming to him...and he's gonna get it.


Stay tuned.


Pocket Edward's Negligent Owner,
Tess


Trixie & Tess

11 comments:

UtterlyAbsurd Bella said...

Poor PE!!!!! I'm so glad hes back with you safe and sound! You're making me think I need to sew a secret compartment in my purse so nobody will find him.

MiMi said...

Whoa! Deja Vu!! : )

Kelly said...

I am beside myself... just ... I need to go and lie down.. this is absolutely horrid....Poor PE... I hope he is putting all these horrible things behind him....

I offeryou my assistance in your plot for revenge... they have messed with the wrong action figure!

Kelly said...

Oh and as punishment for your not being a diligent PE owner, you are banned from looking at any GQ outtakes for the next week.. I'm sorry, but you must be taught... and trust me, it's because I love you you are getting away easy

Living with Edward said...

I am so lucky I am laying in my bed reading this or I would have fallen and hurt myself. You're PE was in Arizona!!! And you dind't know it!!! I would cry. Cry like a little bitch if this happened to me!! How could you??!!! I'm a very nice person and usually let people off easy for transgressions, but I'm...I'm...I'm... Holy Crap!! I'm speechless!! Please take good care of him. And I'm happy he is in Pocket Therapy. You want to know something really sad though? I really want to see the pics of what happened to him while he was gone. I know! I'm horrible! Gah! It's just that I love PE pics so much! I might need Pocket Therapy.

Ps. It's a good thing you put him through some puell too. I've seen photos of PEs put in toilets by angry husbands on twitter!

Pps. NO ONE makes PE their byatch!

Dangrdafne said...

I have to say the first thing I thought of when I read this post was "What will Living with Edward say?" and she didn't let me down. My hubby knows many of his favorite items would be lost if he ever touched Mini-E. He knows better.

But I LOVE the pictures of his trip LOL!!!!

At least he is home safe now.

TwitardedMom said...

Somehow I can't even imagine not knowing my Pocket Edward was missing. He climbes out of my purse to sit on my desk each weekday. In between I've been known to talk, argue, lecture or even kiss him. Please don't tell anyone as they may think I'm crazy.

I am absolutely positive there must be a valid reason you didn't notice yours was missing. Shall we blame fanfic? Sounds like a plausable excuse to me.

Lety said...

Oh poor Pocket Edward!!!

At least he was somewhere familiar? Let it be a lesson ladies, we need to put PE on the side inside pocket for now on, so when we open our purses, he will be waving hi to us :)

April said...

Oh boy ... I sense a can of whoop ass opening real soon. Hee hee!! Glad PE is back safe and sound.

TongueTwied said...

Well it looks like the MC showed Edward a good time. *giggle*

You know sometimes it is good for the PE to get out and meet new people, especially now that he knows his owner doesn't love and care enough about him to realize he's gone missing. He may come to you one day and tell you he's moving to AZ permanently. You might need to prepare yourself for that. LOL

Can't wait for more photos!

Kimi said...

Cruel and unusual! Poor Pocket Edward. The terror he must have gone through. What counts know is that he is home and he has you to help him get through this trying time.